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Second in a two-part series. Read part one here.
Someone once said, "Whoever controls the space, controls the situation." The space we maintain around our bodies -- also referred to as proxemics -- reflects a desire to control who gets close to us and under what circumstances. Ideas about appropriate distance vary from culture to culture and are symbolic of the society's style and tone.
As a general rule, for example, Asians and people from some African cultures stand quite far apart -- as much as three feet. People from the Middle East who are of the same gender are likely to stand quite close to each other -- less than 18 inches -- but frown on public displays of affection between men and women. On the other hand, Americans with European backgrounds are somewhere in between. The exact distance depends on the type of relationship with the other person -- the more personal the association, the closer the speakers stand to each other.
This is more than just an interesting sociological observation. Body language has practical business ramifications as well. Proper distance should be maintained in circumstances when workers, colleagues or clients are in danger of feeling emotionally or physically threatened by the invasion of their physical space. Common examples are when a client is undergoing the stress of a difficult negotiation, or when a customer is upset and angry about something. Still more delicate are those times when a manager is interviewing an applicant, coaching a worker or conducting a performance review. In these circumstances, it is especially important to keep your distance and avoid stances that might make the employee feel threatened. Employees who feel defensive naturally become nervous, have difficulty expressing themselves, can have trouble hearing what you're saying, and are apt to feel resistant to your suggestions or criticism. This same resistance can apply to customers, clients and other business contacts.
What should you do when meeting people who have different body language than yours? Should you make an effort to speak the same language -- that is, match their movements and ideas about space, touching, eye contact and gestures, or should you simply try to avoid doing anything that might offend? The answer to this question depends on your relationship to the other parties and how their body language differs from yours.
For example, if you're speaking with someone who stands close and touches your arm during conversation, it would be unwise to try to match this behavior. Instead, observe the behavior, do not back away or rebuff the touch -- unless, of course, it is inappropriate -- and be reassured that this closeness most likely shows this person's desire to communicate with you.
On the other hand, when the other person stands at a distance, it is important you honor this difference by modifying your behavior accordingly. The reason for this distinction is obvious: If you err in the direction of too much intimacy, it is far more damaging than if you appear a bit reserved.
Much of this may seem confusing. There is hope, however, because as with any other type of cultural difference, you always have the option of asking what the other person is comfortable with. As long as you inquire in a way that is respectful, your question can only increase effective communication and mutual understanding.
