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Monster member Ross writes: I keep having trouble with coworkers and bosses. How can I be so unlucky -- finding all these hard places to work, where people aren't treated very well?
The Career Coach responds: It seems to me like an inside job. When troubles getting along with others happen again and again, you have to wonder what the common denominator is. I think it might be you. Why not be courageous and get some feedback from some of the folks you've had trouble with about how they would describe your style? You'll probably find some common themes. Then I'd consider tracking down a cognitive behavioral therapist (one who reflects your assumptions and your behaviors back to you) for some brief counseling. The thrust of the counseling should be about how your own attitudes and actions might be contributing to some of the miscommunications and lack of cooperation happening with coworkers. I call this situation "Recurrent Career Adversity Syndrome," meaning that some of the patterns you brought with you from childhood might just be keeping you from having the kinds of relationships you want to have at work.
Another resource you might find helpful is Daniel Goleman's book, Working with Emotional Intelligence. Did you know that up to 90 percent of your effectiveness at work is determined by how well developed your "emotional intelligence" is? The examples Goleman gives may help you to see why things so often seem not to go the way you want them to. This is hard stuff to wrap your mind around, but it may very well change your life!
